Well, today has been really unproductive. I spent 1 hour in lectures, 3 hours on busses 2 hours walking about 4 hours on dungeon siege.

After my lecture today, I walked around with Krisneel for a while and then went to the computer labs to get our textbook adds printed out. (We are selling our texts second hand).

At the computer, I wasn't feeling very mellow, and when the program crahsed on me, i began laughing, which then degenerated into sobbing, when then degenerated further into a strange combination of crying and laughing and then krishneel punched me to get my head back on, but it was kinda clear from then on. I wasn't too undepressed. I wouldn't say I am depressed, just really hacked off and really hopeless in a certain strange sense.

I then went home at about 12ish and then reached home at 1ish, I then played dungeon siege till 3ish. And then i realised that I promised howard to help in the flyer distribution @ botany. Well, I took the bus down to botany, only to arrive @ 4.05 pm. I then in a state of semi depressedness wandered around botany for 20 mins. I then bought the new Michelle Branch CD. Michelle Branch has really soft eyes. I like her eyes. She also has nice music. I then ambled down to Macdonalds (which was just across the circular area in the middle of botany) And bought myself some fries and a plain sundae, yeah no EXTRA artificial additives.

All while having this really depressing song being played over and over in my head. "Outside" by Staind ft. Fred Durst. (Fred Durst is the very angry lead singer of Limp Bizkit) But anyway, the song is beautiful, beautiful and depressing.

It goes.

But I'm on the outside
And I'm looking in
I can see through you
See your true colours
'Cause inside your ugly
Your ugly like me
I can see through you
See to the real you

Argh.

Depression can be beautiful touche?

I was sitting down at the bus stop and my father walked by on the other side of the road. He didn't see me. I never would have expected him to anyway. He really does lack stature. Staring from behind my sunglasses. I saw what that was there. He is a man, he didn't ask to be who he is. But he is. He tries his best to do what he does, and does what he believes is right, and that is all one can really expect of him. He can't do more than what he cannot do. Hating him for who he is, is in no way justifiable, just as hating him for giving me my genes.

But there has to be a scapegoat somewhere. And honestly I feel sorry for him, for i have no one to blame, yet someone must be. Just as Krishneel always says. "Dude you are an angry man"

ARGH. ARGH. BRIAN, YOU IDIOT.

Okay seeing that a lot of people don't know my religious status I thought it would be interesting for me to enlighten you guys on it.

I am, or most probably should say, was in this case a Christian.

I was in the Worldwide Church of God, it was a really large church, massive. Think of Jehovah's Witness and Seventh Day Adventist. It was like a global kinda thingy, it had like branches in many countries. The thing that set this church apart from many others is that it was more orthodox than many other churches, it could be said to more relaxed than Jehovah's Witness in certain aspects, but on the whole it followed the Old Testament very strictly. It had many strange rules which would have applied ages ago, but shouldn't nowadays. It was similar to the seventh day Adventist in terms of

Certain dietary restrictions. E.g. no pork. ( I had never tasted pork or any "unclean" meat up to the age of about 12 or 13 when I began rebelling against everything I knew coz I was sick of being controlled)

Very strange rules e.g. Sabbath must be a day of rest. Thus, no enjoyment on Sabbath, (no cartoons for children no hanky panky for adults really sad eh? denying a child of cartoons. I hated this rule. How can you? It is inhumane.) And Sabbath was from dusk till dusk, which means from Friday night to Saturday night, there shall be nothing but only godly stuff. Oh yeah and no working on Sabbath, which means no part time jobs too or any other work commitments that spill over onto Saturday. 1st tithe, 2nd tithe, 3rd tithe and 4th tithe, which honestly no church on this earth still practices. 40% of your income BEFORE TAX, being set aside for some strange religious purpose. And it is not tax deductible in Singapore. But only 10% goes to the church 30% is spent on your own choice.

Then there was no "un-Christian" aspects of other cultures allowed e.g. it was unholy to give and receive red packets on Chinese New Year, as it was deemed a pagan sport. (They later relaxed this ruling as when the original head of the church passed away, his son was a more relaxed man in terms of this kinda stuff) Anything from any culture deemed "un-Christian" was banned.

They also had very strange days, like Pentecost, which I still don't get. And then you had like Passover. WHICH I MAY ADD was decided really stringently, done ONLY one day a year under certain conditions, OH YES THE BEST ONE. "The feast of unleavened bread" that one is a crony, for one week, members of the church (world wide) aren't allowed to eat anything containing yeast. As Jesus Christ apparently ate unleavened bread or something like that and we had to follow him or something, I got into trouble with this in school coz I claimed I couldn't eat the bread as it contained "leavened stuff" and I was sent to the discipline mistress for being fussy over the food that is being served. The list goes on.....

People outside the church aren't welcomed. The behaved like an elitist’s sect. Which in some aspects was what they were.

I believe that the people who ran the church didn't do it for fun. They believed in what they were doing. And I believe that they wanted to do the right thing. Weather they did do the right thing, I don't know. For the church broke up. It spilt into two, for some of the leaders believed that the church was too ultra-orthodox and didn’t have the Christian spirit it should have around it. They wanted more relaxed rules. Then you had the hard liners, who refused, believing that slacking off was evil. Well the church broke up and my parents haven't bothered attaching themselves to anything as of yet.

That is the story of Joel being a Christian, well, a condensed version of 7 years of my life.

This is a new half a year.

The beginning on this yea wasn't a really nice one for me, so I didn't have any new year aspirations.

So better late than never.


1) Carpe Diem.

I have been slack, really slack. In everything I have done. I have missed out on so many opportunities that I could have siezed, so many people I have let down. And now I am beating myself with my trusty old stick for being as blind as I was. Nothing to blame but my slackness, I let it slip by me, like gold dust, snaking through a flacidly held fist.


2) Try my best.

I haven't up to this date. Which I can say for myself, earned me what I deserved. I didn't work as hard as I should have in the first semester, as a result. I got myself a slightly above B+ average. I wanted an A. I should have aced my papers. What is got is about a 77 to 83% average. I wanted an A which was 85% to 90%.


3) Be a better Christian.

I have weak faith, being a cynic (not to say that I always was), but still. I haven't done what a good Christian would have done. That would mean that I should actually drag my ass to church now. That would be a problem, as my ass has low motivational skills, and that would be a real project.


4) No more alchohol.

"Being drunk is not an excuse". Kelvin J Fong is a whanker. Still, alchohol is bad. I haven't gotten intoxicated in quite a while now and hopefully, not for quite a awhile too.


5) Less wierdness and sexual innuendo.

That would mean stop calling my younger brother a "faggot" to annoy him and stop using sexual innuendo so freely in my speech. Which is sad I like innuendo. It is nice.


6) Take Brian's teeth out.

I have a stinky suspicion that Brian did do what he shouldn't have done, but I didn't tell him he cannot do. Still I really don't know what he did. But I know he did do something, to what extent I don't know. Dammit. This could ruin alot of things for me.



panzerkampfwagen

Is another name for a german tank.

Song of 2Day


Long day by Matchbox 20

It's sitting by the overcoat,
The second shelf, the note she wrote
That I can't bring myself to throw away
And also
Reach she said for no one else but you,
Cuz you won't turn away
When someone else is gone

I'm sorry 'bout the attitude
I need to give when I'm with you
But no one else would take this shit from me
And I'm so
Terrified of no one else but me
I'm here all the time
I won't go away
It's me, yeah I can't get myself to go away
It's me, and I can't get myself to go away
Oh God I shouldn't feel this way

Reach down your hand in your pocket
Pull out some hope for me
It's been a long day, always ain't that right
And no Lord your hand won't stop it
Just keep you trembling
It's been a long day, always ain't that right

Well I'm surprised that you'd believe
In any thing that comes from me
I didn't hear from you or from someone else
And you're so
Set in life man, a pisser they're waiting
Too damn bad you get so far so fast
So what, so long

(chorus)

It's me, yeah and I can't get myself to go away
It's me, yeah and I can't get myself to go away
Oh God I shouldn't feel this way

Girlfriend. Boyfriend. Girlfriend. Boyfriend.

I stand by what I say. That girlfriends are useless. And boyfriends have even less use.

What is the whole concept behind a girlfriend or a boyfriend? It is an intagible mutual agreement between two people, that there should be no hanky panky with anybody else besides the two people in the agreement. Though sometimes, this imaginary agreement may be appended to allow hanky panky. Strip that off. What do you have left? Two people who care for each other in many cases. Now that is the only part that counts. And the girlfriend boyfreind agreement doesn't state that this should be mandatory in the agreement. The rest of the girlfriend-boyfriend thingy is all just vanity, the iceing on the cake.

So what's the use of having a girlfriend? No use. If two people care for each other that is all that counts. And somehow if it all goes along and what's done is done and those two are considered girlfriend and boyfriend by everyone else around them. Good for them. Otherwise there is no point in asking someone out or going out with them.

Clocked another 5 hours into dungeon seige today. The total tallied time spent on Dungeon seige 19 hours 46 minutes 45 seconds. There is a time stamp on the savegame. Gonna have to stop playing that soon after uni starts so i better hurry up and try and clock the game. Unfortunately the normal clocking time for the game is about 45 hours. That is the amount of time Ricky Ng spent.

I am gonna knock the teeth out of B-man if he does something that I hope he doesn't do. I am gonna personally fly to Melbourne, Australia and knock his two incisors out with the Wing Chun one inch punch.

Woe betide me.

Lol, do this quiz @ http://www.stormloader.com/dan/survey.html

Do it before you read my answers Or it will kill some of the fun of the quiz.



here are my results.

_____________________________

1. Who were you with last night?
_____ Katherine

2. Did you kiss?
_____ Yes

3. How many times?
_____ 95

4. What did it taste like?
_____ Gobstoppers

5. How old is he/she?
_____ 65

6. Did you tell anyone else?
_____ Krishneel

7. What did he/she say?
_____ I lay my love on you

8. Did you have sex?
_____ Yes

9. What were the results?
_____ Twins

10. Did you tell anyone else?
_____ Yes

11. Who?
_____ Paul

12. What did he/she say?
_____ Cool

13. Why did you do it?
_____ To Learn


__________________________________